I haven’t posted in well over 2 weeks. The first few days things were just boring and there wasn’t anything worth posting. However for the past eleven (11) days I’ve been thnking about what to post about my dad. I’m still thinking about it, actually, because there are so many things I could say. For right now lets clarify that he died on the 24th of July, 2004. His death was completely unexpected, unanticipated and will have a long term impact on my life and outlook on everything.

My mom passed away about 19 months ago, and during the time in between I tried to get closer to my father. I wanted to become his friend as well as his son. For reasons beyond my understanding this did not happen and instead we wound up farther apart than we ever were. I know that my mom’s death affected him more than he ever let on, and even though he was in generally good health, and had no problem taking care of himself, I think maybe he became lost in trying to deal with the way things happened.

My father and I never had more than a minimal Father/Son relationship and we never became friends as adults. This may be in part because of his upbringing and beliefs, I’ll never know for sure. I’ll always love him, I’ll miss him also, but you should know that I missed him while he was alive as well because we had no real relationship, and I wanted one.

Over the next few days and weeks, I’ll probably write about a few of the following things, and why they were so. It might be today or maybe over the coming days and weeks. Whether anyone will care about or read them I can’t say.

  • My dad was billiant, one the smartest people most people ever met
  • I have primarily good memories of my dad from childhood and bad ones from my adult life
  • He loved me but he could never accept me as an adult, and so I couldn’t like him.
  • He had more people he called family than anyone I ever knew, but the word family had no significant meaning to him
  • I hadn’t spoken with my dad in six (6) months, and why I am still ok with that